My life, my world at the moment

My life, my world at the moment is crazy, hectic, upside down, sideways and everything in between!

My mom was diagnosed with early on set of dementia a several months ago.  Since then my life has been absolutely crazy!  I love my mom with all my heart and I will do anything and EVERYTHING I think is best for her!!  There has been much squabble amungst siblings because of denial.  The denial of Mom’s condition.  Her long term memory is sharp but the short term memory is really bad and gets worse all the time.  It’s so hard and saddening to watch on a daily basis.  My heart breaks!!

Seems like so much is going on all the time lately.  The death of my father-in-law has caused such turmoil in the family over the estate.  My husband and I both work full time jobs on top of it all.  Never see or spend time with our friends let alone take any time to ourselves.

Right now we would love to spend time with our friends, better yet, our Besties!!  We know they have a lot going on with their own lives and jobs.  Oh well, maybe some day soon.  Just a quiet night of company having dinner, maybe a movie or a simple conversation sitting next to a fire in the back yard.  Nothing fancy, just the company and conversation of our best friends for an evening to take a short break from all that has been going on and bothering us.  The hubby and I keep thinking of vacations.  Not realistic at the moment but definitely on our minds! Guess for now we just pull up our big kid pants and plug along in this crazy life, crazy world.

My Crazy World I’m Living In

Right now my life and the world I’m living in is hectic, crazy and extremely busy!!!

My father-in-law passed away the beginning of the summer.  It’s true when they say that death brings out the ugly in people.  So much bickering, fighting, greediness, etc. going on in the family.  It’s so ridiculous!!!  Tearing the family apart, not what Mom and Dad wanted!!!!!  Mom passed away 5 years ago and I believe she was the glue that held the family together.  I am standing by my husband and supporting him ALL the way through this mess!  The unfortunate thing is that when all this is over and the estate is settled there will be no family Christmas or any other holiday with everyone there.  We will celebrate with very few.

I am also going through a lot with my family.  My mom was diagnosed with dimentia shortly before my father-in -law passed.  My Aunt has supported me through it all and is on my side.  My sisters are another story!  The oldest one is in denial and is now no longer welcome in my home and we no longer speak with each other.  My other sister supports me on some things and not on others. (I think it depends on the day.)

I have the unfortunate task of being the one to have my mother declared mentally incompetent.  My other sisters don’t want the responsibility or just not a suitable candidate to have power of attorney and make the decisions that need to be made.  I never thought I would have to do this and it’s the hardest thing for me to do.  I love my mother!!  I just want her safe and want what’s best for her ALWAYS!!  My plate is overloaded and my cup done runneth over!!  However I will do this to the best of my ability.  I have lots of moments when I cry, I often feel overwhelmed lately, sometimes feel like the world is spinning by me and the walls closing in on me.

I recently asked my bestie to come over so I could cry on her shoulder so to speak.  She has had a rough week but we finally got together last night.  It was great!!  We talked, we hugged, we drank some wine and just spent some much needed time together.  I may not have shared ALL my feelings and EVERYTHING that is going on but we did talk a lot and I feel much better.  I only wish we could’ve spent more time together but we both had to get up early in the morning for work.

Sometimes all you need is a little girl time with someone special to help get you back on track and ready to tackle the next hurdle.  Today was the next hurdle and I handled it well.  Thank you for your time Bestie!!  I know it was a bad week for you to try to lift me up and make me feel better when you were going through your own rough patch.  I’m here for you too!!  Together we will get each other through it!!

The road is still long and I will have many more rough moments but for now I’m feeling a little better and just taking things one step at a time, one hurdle at a time, one issue at a time.  I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but I know it’s there somewhere and I’ll eventually see it.

Breathe deep, exhale slowly!

My cup runneth over…………..!!!

My cup runneth over……………

I know it’s been a while.  I’ve been  busy as it’s relay season again and I’ve been working on that plus a few other things.  Right now I just needed to talk about things, I feel like everything is crashing down on me……:(

We’re short on committee members for this years relay so I’m trying to do extra to make up for it on top of the extra position I took statewide for relay.  As if that wasn’t enough, my father-in-law got sick with pneumonia.  He was in the hospital for a week and when it was time to be released they didn’t feel he was strong enough to go home.  They said he needed to go to rehab for a week or two so that he could get physical therapy and build his strength back up.  After 19 days in rehab, if that’s what you want to call it, he has now landed back at the hospital.  They are running a long series of tests but so far we know he has a virulent strain of pneumonia, 2 large masses that they hope are scar tissue, a basically non existant immune system, a stressed out heart, fluid built up, gurgling sounds, struggling to breathe, etc., etc.They are currently running tests on him to see if he has MERSA, a staff infection or TB along with everything else he has going on.

Last night was a rough night and for the second time since he’s been admitted back into the hospital they were close to calling the family in to say goodbye.  My husband is not a man of many tears!  I’ve seen him cry 3 times in all the years we’ve been together.  Once when his uncle passed away and they played a specific song, when his mother passed away and then today.  We feel as though dad doesn’t want to fight even if he could because he misses mom, he’s lonely and ready to be with her once again.  Tomorrow my husband and I will be spending the day at the hospital so that we can be there when his test results come back, talk to the Dr. ourselves when he comes in and to just plain and simply spend time with Dad.

Along with all of this I have a diabetic mother whom I believe is suffering from dimensia.  Not long ago she was in the hospital for 8 days after spending 2 months in bed, not taking meds and not eating much.  She also has other health issues such as A FIB, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, etc.  Her eye sight has declined.  They got her back on track and taught her how to keep track of her carbs, etc.  She did great the first 3 weeks she was home.  She has zero memory of her stay at the hospital or anything that lead up to it.  Unfortuneately, she has gone back to not taking her meds even though she thinks she has, not eating right for a diabetic, missing Dr. appointments, having a hard time remembering things that happen even the day prior.  I’m now currently trying to see if I can correct the situation of her missing Dr. appointments to the point of being released as a patient, in hopes of getting her back into the Dr. and having her tested for Dimensia.  If not then it’s on to trying to find her a new Dr.

I feel as though the walls are closing in on me right now.  I’m trying to stay strong, take care of things the best I can, be there for others in both our families, take care of my husband, work my full time job, carry on with daily routines, etc.

Eyeyeye!!!

I try not to burden others with all that is going on, not asking for help cause that’s just not me.  I’m just overloaded!!  Trying to keep my head above water!

Hodiday Season 2014

The holiday season of 2014 is uppon us.  So much going on!

Usually I have my holdiday shopping done by November 1st but this year for some reason I just didn’t do it!  I got it all finished last night.  Well all but the shopping for my Girl’s Christmas party that is.  As a matter of fact, I just put my Christmas tree up today!

I find myself really missing a few loved ones this year!  Just feels like an odd Christmas this year.  Even a lot of my friends have been feeling different this year.  Hmmmmm.

Looking forward to the Girl’s Christmas party this year on January 17th!  I love spending time with my besties!!  Lots of fun things planned!

I came up with a practical New Year’s resolution that should be easy to keep, I’m going to work very hard at promoting my wedding business.  I think it’s my niche!  I just love doing it and sharing in something happy and beautiful!!  My hubby says I’m pretty good at it too!  🙂

Also going to start focusing on myself more and not so much on others.  Not saying that I’m not going to be there for my friends and loved ones but I need to back away and start doing things that need to be done in my life and enjoying the simple things without worrying about what others think, etc.  Making myself happy!!  Those that love me will understand and those that don’t were never there for me in the first place and only wanted without giving!

This holiday season has me reflecting on a lot of things!

I had a great weekend with my hubby celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary and so glad he was feeling well enough to do so.  Poor guy had the flu really bad!!  Sad to see it end so soon.

Well….going to get a few things done before the night is over.  Back to work tomorrow.

Happy Holidays to All!!!!

Enjoy the time with those who mean the most in your life!!

Busy Life! Time to Slow it Down a Bit!!

WOW!!

Summer has flown by and Fall is here.  I feel like my life has been moving in the fast lane the last few months.

I’ve spent very little time with my friends, especially my besties!  Very little time for myself!

It started back in May when I went on a trip for work to Arkansas, came home and went immediately into Relay for Life mode with no break and very little sleep.  Planted 2 gardens this year, one here at home and one at my father-in-laws.  Went up north for the 4th of July to the cabin on the lake, my little piece of heaven.  The gardens came in full force!  I have been a canning fool and it’s not over yet, soon though!  The list is long and the shelves are overflowing!!  Took a week away with the hubs just touring our own state, had a great time!  Back to canning!!  Did a couple of weddings, yes I’m a minister.  Worked 40 hours a week at my job.  Tried to keep the house a little tidy while being so busy.  Sister has had issues with many, many seizures!  Had an Aunt who was struggling with cancer and recently lost the battle.  A long time childhood friend/neighbor’s mom just learned she has cancer and had a major and complicated surgery.  My mother’s health has been bad as she found out in the spring that she has A Fib on top of all her other health issues.  Did I mention that I’ve been canning…..a lot!!

I have 3 special friends, my besties!!  I have spent very little time with them.  I haven’t even had a girl’s night in forever!!  I know, so unlike me.  One has been so busy that we’ve only communicated in texts all summer, except for one night I got to see her for a couple hours.  I really miss my besties and feel a great need to spend some time with them.  Hell, I would settle for a GREAT night with just one of them right now.  An evening of laughter, wine, girl time, etc.      PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’m almost feeling like they don’t want to spend time with me anymore, 😦       I hope that isn’t the case  😦

The hubs and I have been working on projects.  The main one being the expansion of the chicken coop.  At the beginning of the spring we added 12 new girls to the flock so they need more room in the coop for the winter.  Once again this year we will not be having our Halloween party.  Instead we will be going out of town to a Haunted house or 2 and hopefully with our besties in celebration of my birthday.  Next year we are aiming to have the party again.

Hopefully my life will slow down a bit SOON!  This month I have a birthday party for my sister who turns 50, Making Strides Breast Cancer Walk, Relay for Life meeting, My birthday celebration, a pampered chef party at a friends, my moms birthday, eye dr. appt., annual medical tests, work, and more.   Ayeyeye!!

Well I’ll check in again as soon as things slow down a bit.

Till then, enjoy the beauty of Fall!

I’m still here!

I’m still here, LOL!!

I know it’s been a bit, things get crazy this time of year.  We have 2 gardens we planted and are tending to, I now have a total of 26 chickens that I love and care for, still working a full time job, trying to get some projects done around the house and getting ready to go on vacation.

I went to Arkansas the beginning of June, it was for work but had a blast!  Then we went up north to my little piece of heaven and future cabin for 5 days at the beginning of July.  Now we are getting ready to go away for 9-10 days the beginning of August.  We will just be playing tourist in our own state.  Going to places that we haven’t been to but are beautiful, peaceful and picturesque.  I’m very excited!!  Not to mention the fact that I will be attending another Relay for Life.

Things have been crazy but I’m looking forward to start canning soon.  I know it sounds wierd, but I am!  My house is a mess around that time but it’s all worth it.  This year I plan to can salsa, stewed tomatoes, jam, pickled jalapenos, pickled banana peppers, bbq sauce, dill pickle relish, zucchini pickles, summer squash pickles, dill pickles and spicy dill pickles, pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce, just among the few.  I will also freeze green beans, make some apple pies and freeze them, hopefully make some apple cider again this year (depending on how many apples I’m able to acquire from the trees), make some zucchini bread, make some things with pumpkin, freeze some acorn squash, harvest and dry some herbs, smoke some peppers, make some taco seasoning, etc., etc.  We really do benefit from all of this.

I recently have had a few hens come down with a sneeze/cough type thing.  Turns out that they have an upper respiratory infection.  Anyone who knows about chickens knows that this can be deadly.  I have tried and tried to treat it naturally as I’m proud of the way I raise my little ladies.  Unfortunately it pains me that I had to give in today and start treating them with antibiotics.  I have a few dozen eggs in the refrigerator that will hopefully get me through the next 3 weeks.  One week of treatment and 2 weeks for the antibiotics to leave their system so I can start selling the eggs again.  What do I do with the eggs they lay??  Throw them away!  It’s the only thing I can do that I feel right about.  Very, very sad!!  I just hope this makes them all better!

I’ve been working on a couple of other jobs lately, one not going so well and the other is going very well.  I’m a Pure Romance consultant and very proud of it!  Unfortunately it’s not going so great right now!  A lot of it is due to summertime and the rest is due to not having friends or family that are able to have a party.  The other job is officiating weddings, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it and it’s going great!!!  I am an ordained minister and have been for almost  1 1/2 yrs.  I can officiate weddings, funerals, etc.  I was told that I’m a natural at weddings!  That makes me so happy, weddings are a happy occasion!  Eventually I would like to bring on one or two ladies to help me with some of the leg work.  I’ve already talked to them.  It all depends on how many I end up doing but right now it’s going great.  I have a couple of potential vow renewals.  What if this turns out better than I originally thought???  Hmmmmm   Possibilities!!

Doing some work on the house too.  Bought some new outdoor lights to put on the house, have a toilet to fix, carpet to put in 2 out of 3 bedrooms, painting to do, a front storm door to replace and a chicken coop to expand.

Lots to do yet but it will all have to wait till we get back from vacation!

See you again soon for updates!!

Ma Bestie

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written,  life gets crazy sometimes!

Lately I went to Arkansas for work.  Had such a blast!! When I got back I immediately went right into Relay For Life.  Relay went well but glad it’s over for this year.

Had a celebratory cookout and bonfire for ma besties last night to thank them for helping me with everything for relay. Without them I don’t know what I would do.  Relay is something near and dear to me as a cancer survivor. Cancer is such an ugly thing! ! No one knows just how bad it is unless they go through it themselves and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. 

My friends do it in support of me and I hope they truly realize just what it means to me.  A couple of them weren’t with me through the journey itself,  for different reasons,  but they support me every year for Relay and are there for me if I need them.

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!  I love you girls more than you know!!!!!!!!

Failure!!

Feeling like such a failure!!

I have a Bestie that is going through a tough time.  I know I’m not her only bestie and I’m certainly not her #1 Bestie.  I feel like such a failure though cause even though I know she’s going through a tough time I have no clue what is going on, how to help her and she isn’t talking to me or leaning on me at all regarding the situation.

What I can, and have done, is let her know that I am here for her.  If she wants to talk, come over, etc., I’m here!!  I can’t pressure her and know that she has probably confided in her #1 bestie.  I have to learn and am trying to learn that I am just a mere friend, not her life long friend.  I love her more than she knows!  I’m heart broken for her and don’t even know why. 

The one thing that I can hope for is that she reads this and understands.  I look forward to camping at Fletcher’s Pond, making new memories, having fun with her, doing our annual trip to Crafts 2000, winery trips, couples nights, etc., etc. 

I will step back.  Not being mean, not angry but step back and know that I am not your leaning post, not your #1 bestie. 

I’m sorry for your pain and troubles.  Here if you need me but YOU have to let me know when or if.

Love you!!

ME

Chicky La La’s

I know that most people I know or am friends with won’t understand why I like chickens and why I decided to get them in the first place let alone get more.

They bring me peace and joy!  Hard to understand for most and I don’t expect anyone to.  I am an animal lover and always have been!!  All kinds of animals!  I grew up on a farm and that’s when I was the happiest in my life, besides being married to my husband Allen.  I can talk to them without judgement, they depend on me for food, water, shelter, love, etc.  They say you can take the girl from the farm but you can’t take the farm from the girl, they are right!!

When I am having a rough day I can go out to the coop and it brings me peace and comfort.  They don’t ask for much!  I like my life, simple but it suits me.  I don’t like drama and have no need for it, I love to help others, it’s the mothering nature in me.  Simple, quiet, peaceful!

For those that don’t understand me or my love of having chickens, it’s ok, I don’t expect you to.  I am me and this is who I am!  Love me or don’t it’s your choice.  I think I’m a good person and will continue to be.

I got 12 more hens today and they are beautiful.  I’m so excited!!  I was told I was beaming today!!  LOL, yes absolutely happy today over chickens.  I will be taking them out to the coop tonight when the daylight goes off as it is easier to introduce them to the flock that way.  They are beautiful! 

Most people consider them dirty birds and sometimes they are but they are mine none the less and I’m happy!

 

 

Christmas Time